But I want to live. I feel so grateful to live. I am grateful for my life. That I have comfortable home. I am grateful for my parents, who loved me and care for me. And that they are healthy. I am grateful for my family. Grateful for my health. Grateful that I have a good job, good manager, and good team. Grateful that I can afford all nice things in life, own houses, and can happily know I would be unlikely to starve if I am prudent. I am grateful for opportunities to learn, to laugh, to stretch myself and be happy.
This Saturday morning as I woke up, I am touched by an reply in Quora to question "As a dying person, what is your advice to the living?":
I can give you a first hand answer here.
In 2009 I was diagnosed with glioblastoma, a grade 4 brain cancer, after surgery the oncologist came back with the sad news that the statistics look quite ugly, he gave me treatments for 9 months, and 6 months to one year to live.
I was engaged preparing to marry in few months. We broke up, I didn't see why I would leave a widow behind and break her heart.
I had no desire to pursue anything further in life…
It was a time of complete shutdown.
I wanted to quit my job, however my managers managed to convince me to stay with a relaxed schedule…
They started to teach me statistics again.
An average of 1 year, means some people die in 3 years, while others die in 6 months, and that I should have the positivity to assume I'm on the long term survival side.
By continuing to go to work, I kept myself busy, not thinking too much about my cancer.. I travelled , did some of the stuff I always wanted to do, visited places I always wanted to go. I started to revisit my friends, hang out with those I really liked, got rid of those who made me feel sad, or felt pity. There are those who just don't know what to tell you, then it gets awkward…It is not something you want to talk about with everyone. You want to feel good, and not be down all the time. I started to be more of a minimalist.. I had no desire in all the nice stuff I had always dreamt of, as My life seemed to come to a stop. However over time.. I started to realize that I'm happier .. I had special concerns for my parents, I started spending more time with my parents. With my family They are the joy of my life.. Too sad I never realized that earlier.
8 years later I'm still around, although the cancer hit back several times, and my left side is now paralyzed, I'm still active going to work, participating in charities, trying to keep myself busy and active.
I was 32 when I was diagnosed, now hitting the 40’s I feel more mature, Im guessing age is an important factor in how we take such news.
After all life goes on, and it is how you take the news that makes all the difference..
Keep busy, don't let your mind wander too much.. No one knows when you are going to die..
There's a shock at the beginning, try to pass it, embrace the news and you will feel the tranquility after a while..
My key messages would be:
- no one knows when you are going to die, all doctors have are statistics.
- Happiness is in the small and little things.. Time with family, reading a good book, listening to nice music, enjoying a movie.. Spending time on the beach, watching a sunset, nature, forest , a bird…
- Through charity work I started to appreciate what I have, there are sooo many underprivileged people who would dream of what we take as granted, running water, electricity, food,medicine, family.
- Each night I count at least 10 things I'm grateful for in my life.
- I also started to keep a journal of the things that make me really happy and doing more of that.
I am grateful for opportunities to learn, to laugh, to stretch myself and be happy.
