Mindfulness

Landed in Milan, drove to Lake Maggiore. Chatted, had one on one, lunch by lake, and explored the summer town in frigid February. There is “Beast of the East” heading to Europe peolonging severe weather this winter. Before lunch I took a walk around the hotel Grand Dino, there is ferry operating that covers the lake. Beautiful and cold the town is with nobody around at the cobbled street. What a beautiful Lake Maggiore.

Unexpected Delay

Some thing in life is just unexpected. As I am sitting on plane in tarmac of Istanbul airport.
I’ve never been to Istanbul. Although exotic, and I almost planned for transit here enroute to Helsinki for this year’s summer holiday. We are here due to emergency stop for a passenger, on way to Milan. The lady seemed of advanced age. Thankfully she is concious next to her gentlemanly husband. They are seated on the same row 32, as I am in Premium Economy. Two medical doctors onboard heeded call and spent hours caring for her. I can see their reassuring faces, gestures, as they move to calm patient and attend to her with oxygen mask.

So I am on window seat, next to left wing, and I can see the dark sky of Istanbul sky outside at 6am. Planes landing on runway just behind us.

Trips and all best plan is nothing compared to matter of lufe and death so what if we might miss a call or two or missed some connections. The probability of potentially, saving a life is precious.

I reflect on that as well as I see the anxious faces of the doctors, relieved, but also showing stress for first time. Now that the patient is in better care in land of Istanbul staff.

Will to live

I have been going through bouts of sadness. Like I would lie awake in my bed, in the middle of the night, and start to shed tears. Am I depressed. I asked myself sometimes.

But I want to live. I feel so grateful to live. I am grateful for my life. That I have comfortable home. I am grateful for my parents, who loved me and care for me. And that they are healthy. I am grateful for my family. Grateful for my health. Grateful that I have a good job, good manager, and good team. Grateful that I can afford all nice things in life, own houses, and can happily know I would be unlikely to starve if I am prudent. I am grateful for opportunities to learn, to laugh, to stretch myself and be happy.

CNY 2018

Chinese New Year 2018. Went out for Buffet lunch at Oscar's Conrad Centennial Singapore. During the journey, and the long 2-hour buffet lunch, and subsequent train travel to Bishan to see Koko Ching Lien, and travel home, we got to chat. I realize how older Pa and Mom are. They are more sensitive, easily upset, and a bit..senile. I realize that I have not spent time at home lately due to travel and that worries me. Time passings like sand that is irreversible.

Koko Ching Lien looked a bit thin. And perhaps worry about Uncle Edy who is stubborn and having heart issues. He had a poor prognosis, and even was expected to life only 3 months... and turned out he is still dragging on, despite losing will to life. Koko has been very hard, and tough. She was sitting in the living room, without lights on but with company of a few young women, one is her god-daughter, and another pair of mother-daughter neighbor from China. We stayed for around 30 mins and chatted about life in Singapore and certain scam and recent child kidnapping in Singapore and China. Thanks for tradition like Chinese New Year we have the opportunities to visit our relatives home and say a few standard greetings but I suppose the art is in the fact of keeping in touch once a year, no matter how superficial the conversation is, the connection of relative and tradition is nonetheless kept alive.

My relative remarked on how fair Henry looked, and so is chubby me. We as a family looked radiant. "Thanks to all the nutritious food that Dad cooking", says me. "No... it is because we think positive and does not do harmful things to others, in action and in thoughts", added Mom. Henry was just quiet and walk agreeing along. I am not sure if Dad listens, given condition of his ear but I am happy Dad has satisfactory lunch at buffet which is his super favorite. At home, I quickly had shower due to humidity of Singapore - after my month-long business trip, I had troubles adjusting to. "Dad is so happy because every time we mentioned buffet, Dad eyes light-up like sparkes", teases me to Dad. Dad quickly mentioned "No no no,.." while shyly turning away to take a nap at his favorite spot, by the window.

10KM Post India trip and Marina Bay

This is after my 10km marina bay run. Timing 1:20 as usual for 10km run, and they are my usual pace. Hit the wall after 3km at 530pm oh so hard. I pushed myself to complete the course. Flew back from India Friday noon, and so arrived 8pm tonight. I missed the Future of Sales and Operations summit at Andaz, Delhi, but I stayed in the morning to chat and do meet and greet. And also the Asia LT call that Simon presented to Ralph's. But the journey back is worth it.

My Thursday night was tiring. And filled with dreams of strange characters that must be a manifest of my thought and instinct. But the partners meeting with SI, local partner, cloud partner, and OCP GTM team had been very informative and interesting.

Morning over Bengaluru

So glad to be home.

This week in India

Downloaded Anthony Robbins, documentary around his session on "Date with Destiny". I watched part of it during my flight from Singapore to Bengaluru, and then finished the other half of the 2-hour session during the flight to Delhi.


Really moved by people in the session, being moved, belief shaken, and I think the term being used is How do you want to rebuild your life. I guess the feeling, the hunger and desire to aspire to grow stays with me. The desire to do something more with my life. Beyond contraints and live with better courage. It also encourages me to look at my life experiences, the stacking of my "breakthrough", my discoveries, and the grace I received throughout my life. The moments in life when I feel the most blessed, that define the points of my life when I am lifted, elevated to different level, beyond expectation and vision of myself.


I must be affected, even more deeply than I realized. Because I carried this feeling of discontent within me. And wanting to apply the energy to new drive. New desires. New height.


A couple of questions that I should ask myself.


What is my life mission?
What values do I subscribe to.
What is my relationship vision.
What am I.
What is my vision of the life I want, desire, deserve, and work super obsessively to achieve.
What drives me?
What are my triggers?


I carried this discovery - no, the sense of wanting to discover, even deeper meaning of my subsconcious drive. And life with more courage. And more love. I understood that I might have been afraid to love, and withdraw love because of my childhood entitlement. Afraid to commit because of fear of rejection and more importantly of failure. And I need to open up myself and examine what's within.


And I carried this energy, and sense of hunger and frustration, even into the session right now when we are preparing for my manager's session for Asia leadership update. I kept of asking myself "What am I doing with my life?", I want to do more. And I got angry, so easily, by lesser standards - unreasonably. I need to recognize that and grow up. But first, understand and love myself who has this strong desire and passion.


And I feel much better, after writing all of this down...

Healthy Relationship

I like what this article says. Healthy relationship requires space, but it must face the same direction and strengthened by communication.

Disneysea December 2017 Day 1 of Trip

"A healthy relationship means separate containers (life space), facing in the same direction (common outlook on life), and faning the fire in between (earning trust)."