Instances for work harrassment

I am contemplating whether I should file complaint to HR about stressful work environment and work harassment. I am now start documenting as I tended to let go of things, but my manager is not someone who is a leader that live by values of Microsoft. 

Hi Jason,

I alluded to facts that the work environment had been challenging. Now as we moving forward, I think there's situation and behavior that I think as HR, it is crucial for you to know.

• In February 2020, I wrote an email to my manager how I felt I needed space and let him know better my trigger. For full disclosure my mail is attached. He rang me and his opening line was "Your email is a waste of my time." He then proceeded me to lecture me in harsh tones mentioning repeatedly that I was very rude and how I was very wrong. I must still have the record on how long the conversation was about 1.5 hours perhaps. I felt so small after that conversation, and started having self-doubt about speaking out my feeling. This example of manager's behavior is so against Microsoft value of respect that I expect more from a Microsoft executive exhibits. 
• My manager gave me feedbacks multiple times that "you created unnecessary tension", most of the time in harsh and condescending tone. There was a time when he stated his feedback in reasonable tone is a weekly sync-up between my manager, executive admin, and myself. I initially took that feedback very much to heart and thus often second guessed myself when I was about to offer my recommendations. I started to have self doubt and feel the lack of self worth of being deemed unnecessary was so disempowering. 
• Looking back, in the context of the 3 recent examples that my manager provided, I have observed that he judged my voice as unnecessary and I created friction when I tried to offer advice. 
• Let me explain each of these examples.

1. In Starbucks project I was becoming aware that he didn't have regular review for delivery which was becoming critical. In our 3-way weekly sync-up meeting with my manager, the admin assistant and me, my manager asked me to follow up with Delivery Director that he would like to know the status of Starbucks project. I suggested my manager to join delivery review and discuss this with our Delivery Director directly and offered to have our admin assistant, who was in the meeting, to set this up. My manager became aggressive as my suggestion and mentioned that he would follow up directly with Delivery Director. 
2. Immediately after that conversation, I had 1:1 discussion with my manager for the second review of a presentation deck that my manager would present in this 1:1 with his manager, Omar. I presented the draft of key deals information. I let him be aware that we utilized information available from MSX sellers comment, pursuit data, as well as a review with Sales Director and Pursuit Leader. He gave feedbacks that the information was not good enough. I let him know that the view I am presenting came from the Sales Director and Pursuit Leader. As collecting more information from the field is randomizing, I then suggested having a call directly with the team to be clear on what's expected. My manager became aggressive and said if I cannot collect information then what good of me being a Business Manager. At that point the Sales Director was on paternity leave. He then proceeded to compare my work with field Sales excellence lead, which I explained that as Timezone role, we need to be clear on why we are collecting information and what we do with the information we collected.
3. The third example he claimed that I was late in providing information about Headcount that he requested. I sent him the information on Sept 9th on the same day that he requested a prioritization of this task at 10:46am. As context, he called me to prioritize this and explained why this is important to share with his manager and Microsoft Asia leader. I immediately prioritized, and sent aggregate information after a validation with Finance. During the phone conversation with my manager, I raised my concern that this information about the headcount conversation would have been settled during budgeting discussion. That our focus should be looking forward. By re-escalating this, I was very concerned that we would be seen as defensive on our challenges of not being able to meet growth ambition. He responded that I should leave the task of managing stakeholders to him, and thus I complied and provided the information at 11:26am, and another set of requested information based on September actual at 3:26pm.

There are two people in a conversation, and above is my point of view of the conversation. There is a pattern here. It is when I am speaking out with my point of view on doing in way that might be better for the business. I personally think that preparing two weeks for internal presentation is a lot of unproductive time consumed. Yet I know it is important so I actively try to look for ways to deliver what's expected with the least amount of time by minimizing random request impacting the team and the field. If I have wrong view, coach me. But having a voice is not unnecessary and I have been so disempowered that finally in early September I decided that it was the time for me to start looking for my next role.

•  I delivered on all my core priorities during FY20 under 3 different leaders. I adapted and tried to adapt as I know that the requirements for business manager by each leader is different. My manager called me to provide his feedbacks on May 5th. I asked my manager then whether he was looking for a Yes man. I mentioned that I am not a Yes man so if that's what he was looking for, I wanted to know. He answered that a Yes man is not what he was looking for in this role and that he expected me to bring my perspective and point of view to things. So I stayed on, worked on his feedback, and delivered on my accountability according to his clarifications. I think Integrity in this case is very important. The Services business today and a year ago when I was hired is very different. Furthermore, the requirement for a role would shift. It is very important to engage continuously to validate priority and expectation. But if the goalpost keeps on changing without clear communication, this is not the right setup for success. Worse, if my manager was looking for characteristic of a person whom would not offer opinion, then please have integrity to say so, be so, assess if this is the right thing to do for the business, and find the right person for the job. 

There are many other things that happened that I would not want to be petty and listed everything. But I am open if you want to follow-up. Suffice to say that I have worked day and night, early hours, late night, to deliver my best efforts for the business. The company has my records and my calendar that I am not only delivering for my manager, but also in view of what is best for the business, and what's optimum for the experiences of our stakeholders internally and externally at field, corp, and our customers. I am tired, exhausted, and demoralized.

To label someone as lack of performance because he or she started from a place of accountability to the business-first, for speaking out, for being authentic, under working relationship not based on respect and trust is so contrary to the values that we are espousing. It is hard for me to reconcile the fact that my silence would aid status quo. If things are not improving, other employees in Microsoft would potentially have poor experience that is avoidable. 

I have my learnings as well and I am far from perfect. I am in Microsoft because I believe in similar values of respect, integrity, and accountability and I would thrive in such environment as our values is aligned. After slightly more than 10 years in this company, I have seen and continue to have some belief that the company would work inline with the value of respect, integrity, and accountability.

As discussed, let's agree to move forward. I really want to let you know my perspective and my voice. As appropriate I urge a reflection, validation, investigation, coaching, and that the right practice is put in place to avoid other employees of Microsoft being subjected to experience that I just had. As I shared with you, the low points of my interactions with my manager has been very negative. The lack of support and trust in my professional life has been detrimental to my mental health. I think HR and the company deserves to know my perspective and the context on how things got to this point. 

I am very disappointed that things got to this stage that I am keen for the right opportunities to move beyond Asia MCS and this role. Now I want to be treated with fairness, dignity, and respect. I look forward to that.

Hope we will take care of future team members so that everyone is treated with dignity and inline with Microsoft values.

Kind regards,

Nelly

Work Troubles

 I had been having very difficult journey in my current role, last few months. Since my new manager comes onboard. Yesterday, I was presented with 2 options: one going to performance plan and the other to sign separation agreement. Both time-bounded. Yes my employment has expiry date.

As I took a day off today to sort through my emotion and feeling, my head is searching for answers. 

Why this happens? Is the most obvious question. Part of this is blaming myself for being in this situation, and sorting out what I could have done differently, or why I haven't seen this coming that it came as a shock. Part of that is also blaming my manager.

I found it helpful to verbalize my thoughts to see things objectively. To address the feeling of unfairness that rises up to anger and disappointment. Also the sense of unjust as I felt I have done nothing wrong, and I have always delivered against my commitment. But few instances of my refusal to do what my manager asked me to do, that I justify as action of randomizing the field, or inefficient way of how things should be done, makes me tethering on the verge of self-doubt and foolishness.  I do not know why manager holds such a power in large corporation. Or that the selection of people rising to the top that holds the power over the livelihood, experiences, and motivation of employees. This seems like such an ineffective system.

Take my manager for example. He has 7 direct reports with seniority, and what he does is randomizing people by asking them to pull some data, prepare powerpoint slides, or do internal presentation in internal meetings. What is the objective and what is the key results?

My soul-searching today led me to read an article on Harvard Business Review, compendium for leadership. One chapter of the book is titled Why Should Anyone Be Led by You ? It talks about effective executive whom be a sensor, exposes weaknesses (artfully and smartly), dare to be different, and tough empathy. Another chapter on the same book talks about the difference of management and leadership. Maybe I mixed the need of managing versus leading that my manager attempted to do. Maybe I did so as I feel undervalued and thus insisting on establishing myself or a resemblance of control. Maybe I had lack of respect to a leader who is mercantile and egoistic that in turn I responded belligerently. A friend advised me that there is no right and wrong. There no sense to try to rationalize human. 

At the end of the day, I do want to be more self-awareness, agile, and flexible. I hope this setback teaches me valuable lesson without destroying my self-esteem.

Let me affirm myself.

I am hard working

I am mature.

I am professional.

I am a learner.

I will overcome this.

August Wellness Month

Since Singapore opened up from Circuit Breaker, I have been easing to exercise gently. In month of August, we officially concluded 6-month period of the lockdown since pandemic started. It also coincided with Get Well "games" that was initiated by my company and encouraged us to form groups of 3-12 people to complete 10,000 minutes of exercise. 

So I am happy to report at the conclusion of August that the time that I dedicated to exercise and general well being has improved.

According to Strava app, I have regained distance of exercise travelled to 53km! While this is still short of 100km that I logged in Jan 2020 in 20-day period, frankly that was my personal best record. I am happy with the slow but steady progress. I had also dedicated 19hrs 19mins in total in Strava app. That plus my swimming record while I was in my final month of FitnessFirst membership made me proud of my accomplishments.

Happy Exercise!