Today I'm awake at 4am... can't sleep. My emotion is in turmoil. I wonder can your feeling get attached to someone that you know over game? apparently my soft heart does. Yes I admit it in the full glory, I have a squishy softie heart. I lay with broken heart, as I mourn a loss of a dear friend in the game that I have dedicated time in the last 10 months. He was the only reason I continued playing when I wanted to quit several times, especially late 2021 and early this year.
I pray and hope for a strength in my heart, to overcome this feeling. My rational mind trying to console myself by rationalizing that this happens for a reason, and must be a good reason. I prayed in the Buddhist temple on May 1st and suddenly this happened immediately after. This must be a god-sent gift. That he quit playing. Maybe he is a player. Maybe he already married and had a wife and kids. Maybe he got attached during his trip to Malaysia. The fact that he quit suddenly without bothering to let me know himself means he only cared about himself. He took decision to travel without prior notification, meaning that either his decision was not planned or he didn't bother to tell. Was he stressed? Did I do thing to add to his stress? Did I do anything wrong.
All these thoughts flying away, I found normally means that I overthinking certain things. Because a lot of thing that people do often relates to what happened to him. Not because of what happened to me. The gaming chat is only a sliver in people's life, and I often wonder what happened to the others' fuller life. I am still curious about him. Wanted to meet him and see how he looked like. Want to know more. But it's over now. The funny thing is I worry about the things I said in case I did something wrong. Maybe I did nothing wrong. Things happened.
As a celebration of this virtual relationship, I will celebrate the encounter from the cave of Dokebi. I celebrate getting to know this man. I cherish finding him kind-hearted but non-sense. He can be sweet at times and persistent like getting me to join his guild. I really like that he treat me like normal human being. I appreciate that he helped me to level my characters. Laugh at my jokes like I laugh at his and celebrate his 3rd job achievements. Thank you for the memory, the care and the recommendation of the Modern Family and Elite. I will forever laugh at the manga he mentioned he read about picking up girls at dungeon, to which he shyly replied. I cherish the twitter in my heart when he asked who I was having staycation with.
Now, hoping to move on. I couldn't sleep. And decided to delete all games in my iphone. Okay, all except 5. It took a while. I figured I might as well learn from this episode, and get inspired by taking active and positive step towards my gaming time.
Thank you for the memories. Let my heart mourn this loss and heal this broken heart. I will wait for 1 month, I have decided. Then when my heart heals, it will be time to move on.
